A Month Without Ovaries

It’s sort of hard to believe but my ovary and tube removal surgery was one month ago today! And honestly, I’m feeling pretty decent overall.

Hot flashes are still my primary symptom. And in addition to having a couple per night most nights I’ve learned some other fun hot flash triggers — exercise, alcohol, stress, humidity. I’ve thankfully only had one at work so far. But man was that unpleasant.

Other than the hot flashes I have a little hormonal acne (just like I would sometimes get right before my period) and insomnia (although it’s hard to tell if that might just be stress related). And that’s pretty much it. No out of control mood changes, my sex drive is still intact, and my pants still fit. So those are all good things.

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The Great Mastectomy Saga – Part 2

Did you miss Part 1? Check it out here to catch yourself up before we continue onward with Part 2 of this boob-tastic drama.

So where were we? Oh yes…everything was settled. I had my breast surgeon, plastic surgeon, and surgery date all set. The only thing left to do was wait.

Not quite. Let’s pick it back up from where things were last month.

January 4 – I was in the driveway, peacefully digging my car out after a foot of snowfall when I heard the little ding of Facebook Messenger on my phone. I saw a message from another BRCA sister I’d connected with through a FB group, who was also using Dr. Levine. On his suggestion, she’d recently met with the same breast surgeon I saw a couple of weeks earlier. But then, a day after her appointment she got a phone call from the doctor’s office informing her that the doctor was cancelling all of her upcoming surgeries. Ummmm….what?! This had to be some sort of mistake. I felt my skin get hot and my heart start to race as I read her messages. I stepped in from the cold, my breathing fast and shallow, and I called the doctor. The office administrator I spoke with confirmed it. Yep. “She is taking a step back from the clinical side of things”. That’s what the voice on the phone told me. My surgery had been cancelled. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I was fuming. How could she have sat with me 2 weeks before, with that reassuring smile, talk about incision placement, healing, and schedule my surgery and then **poof** cancel it with no explanation.

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The Great Mastectomy Saga – Part 1

When I take a step back it’s hard for me to believe that I am sitting here, right now, stressing out about scheduling my mastectomy. I’m so deep into the BRCA world…reading about it, researching it, talking to other BRCA sisters….that it all seems so normal. But it’s not. It’s really really fucking weird. But weird or not, here I am. Boob deep in The Great Mastectomy Saga.

I haven’t written much about this still unfolding chapter of my BRCA story…whether that is out of frustration or anxiety I’m not sure…but it’s causing me a lot of stress so rather than buying more chocolate to eat at my desk I’m gonna vent it out here. Let’s start at the very beginning…

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1 week post BSO

It’s hard to believe that 1 week ago I was in the hospital, just waking up from my sedation haze after the removal of my ovaries and fallopian tubes. It feels both like much longer ago than that but also like it just happened.

Overall, I’m feeling really good. I went back to work yesterday, my pain is practically non-existent (my incision sites are getting itchy as they heal but barely hurt), and aside from a couple annoying hot flashes each night while I’m sleeping I haven’t noticed much in the way of menopause symptoms yet. I’ve also been feeling a bit more easily fatigued than usual but it’s hard to say if that’s related to the hormonal stuff or still just my body recovering from surgery.

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BSO Recovery – The first 72 hours

It’s officially been 3 days since my bilateral salpingo oophorectomy (aka BSO, aka ovary and tube removal surgery)…and all in all I think recovery is going pretty well. If you want more info than that vague statement provides, whether to keep up-to-date with me or perhaps to prepare yourself for the procedure, well I’ve got you covered.

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BSO day – how it went and how it felt

So yesterday was the big day. I bid farewell to my ovaries and tubes, and greatly diminished my risk of ovarian cancer once and for all. I plan on doing periodic recaps about the experience and how my recovery is going. I scoured the internet before surgery reading firsthand experiences to help prepare myself for what to expect, so I’m hoping my sharing this may help someone else doing the same. So here it is, the recap of my BSO surgery day.

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Dear L

Dear L,

Your mommy is having surgery soon. Since you are too small right now to understand what is going on, I am writing this for you to read some day in the future.

There are some pieces of my body, called ovaries, that I need to have removed because there’s a good chance that in the future they will make me sick. Ovaries are what made my mom (your grandmother) sick, and why you never had a chance to know her. I don’t want that to happen to me. I want you to be able to have your Mommy around for a very very long time.

I believe that everything will go smoothly during my surgery, because my doctor is smart and very good at his job. But after this surgery, I will have some boo-boos on my tummy, and I won’t be able to pick you up for two long weeks. You are very lucky to have many people who love you SO SO SO much who can help me take care of you while my boo-boos are healing. Daddy, PopPop & Abuela, Granny, and V* are all going to come over to play with you. And even though I wont be able to pick you up, we can still snuggle and read books together and maybe even watch a movie. 🙂

Surgery is a scary thing. But I am trying to be brave because of you. I’m doing this now because I want to stick around for you, to be by your side as you grow up. I need to do everything I can to keep myself healthy because I love you SO SO SO much and you deserve to have a healthy mommy.

You are the most important thing in the world to me and the light in my life. Your silly sense of humor, boundless energy, sweet loving nature, and brilliant little mind have made you my absolute favorite person in the world. No matter what happens to me now or in the future, I hope you can always know that this is true: I love you so incredibly deeply and feel so very lucky to be more you Mama.

Thank you for being my everything and my reason for living. I love you with all my heart.

Your Mommy